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Although the moment has probably passed, I would like to add some texture to the many replies you received as to the nature of pleasure and what it means to others.
The definition of joy, the etymology of the synonyms, the nature of the quality behaves far differently than a surface euphoria. Therefore, calamity, personal crisis and the like does not mean that we are necessarily robbed of joy – although for a certainty, such moments attract tremendous sadness. Some have likened joy to be a flame enshrined behind a glass lantern – no matter how difficult the wind blows, the flicker stays intact.
The bible beautifully describes this process at Psalms ,6, verses that describe you to a T. “Those sowing seed with tears”. In other words, the one who continues, persists in some caring of routine, who keeps looking out for interests of others, who continues in output of some description will ‘reap’ despite the trauma that surrounds them.
You certainly are an exceptional example as “one who does depart out, though weeping” with your application to your art, your sheer heart for others and of course the mo